t currently seems like I've got at least two jobs. Obviously I'm mostly a policeman (well, mostly pretending, let's be honest) but at the same time I'm running a media empire from my spare bedroom. I'm involved in a few other things as well, which take up valuable time. It helps to be working shifts, but it still doesn't stop the mobile phone ringing a lot more than it used to whilst at work. I thought I might have got onto the "dead spy enquiry team" after all, according to Yahoo News, they had some "crack cops" on the case.

Taxpayers almost always think I'm dealing with important things, while the "economically inactive" think I've got nothing better to do than listen to their woes all day. The truth is that although I've got a few jobs on right now, none involve damage or loss greater that £75.00. Still, a crime is a crime.

After all that about drugs (good comments by the way), answer this: what's your most trifling case. Extra points for in-depth (but ultimately pointless) investigations.

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